top_chef_logo_lgOh, Top Chef All-Stars, please don’t ever leave me for a week like that again! I have to admit, last Wednesday with no Top Chef was rough on many of us.

Anyhow, it was back in full, well, half force this week, beginning with a cooking throwdown Quickfire starring none other than the big poppa himself, Chef Tom Colicchio. Tom had to prep and cook a dish as fast as he could, the chef’testants then were challenged to beat his time of 8:37. I think All Top Chef best sums up the kerfuffle (real word) when the chefs’ countdown started: “When Padma announced the beginning of the challenge, everyone ran for the refrigerators like soccer moms swarming Wal-Mart on Black Friday.” Ultimately, Jersey Mike’s dish sucked least of all, winning him a Toyota Prius (which he will promptly sell) and immunity. If he ends up making it to the finale, let alone wins, it is further proof that Armageddon is upon us.

For the Elimination, the chefs were off to Chinatown where they had to prepare dim sum-inspired dishes to hungry (later angry) locals during lunch time. Madness ensued. Needless to say, it didn’t end well — save for Fabio’s “my-racle” ribs — and many customer ended up walking out due to the lack of food in the dining room. Have these chefs ever worked or even eaten at a Waffle House (or the equivalent)?! People are hungry, you get that food out — turn and burn, baby! Those who did get to try some of the dishes had quizzical looks on their faces because they weren’t quite sure what they were eating. “Caucasian dim sum,” one elderly gentleman called it (and I don’t think that was meant to be a compliment).

On a positive note for the episode, Susur Lee made a guest appearance! Oh how I’ve missed his long, silky ponytail and zen-like spirit. There was significantly less Bourdain in this episode and it was probably the most lackluster to date. Coincidence?

Of course, the two with the most experience with Asian cuisine, Angelo and Angry Dale, had the best dishes. Dale took the win with his sticky rice with Chinese bacon in a banana leaf. And, damn, it looked good! Not a hard feat comparing it to the majority of the other dishes served.

In a nutshell, pretty much everyone bombed this challenge, Casey’s nasty-lookin’ chicken feet, Tre’s runny orange dessert and Jamie’s horrible long beans and scallop “dumpling” were the worst plates on the table. I won’t reveal the loser, but I will say that Jamie was saved by the hairs of her chinny chin chin.

Want to know what happened? Then listen to the podcast to find out!

top_chef_300Whether you watch the show or not, our review of it is top notch snark and an all-around good time. Listen to us (attempt to) recap this episode and the hilarity that ensues.

Tune in to Bravo every Wednesday at 10 pm EST/9 pm C, check out our own live Tweets during the show (Jeff: @JeffHouck, Katie: @culinarypirate), and listen to our podcast here every week! You can download it on iTunes or listen to it here.

Check out our fellow Top Chef fanatics’ blogs: All Top Chef gives us their uninhibited reactions and Please Pack Your Knives and Go is just plain hilarious. And check out TalkingTV’s rules for the Top Chef drinking game here.

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